Alive...sort of

I just wanted to assure everyone that i'm alive and well....I've just been insanely busy with school and work.

4 Midterms in the next week and a half, then I start the paper writing rampage. Think of me, and hope I survive this semester of school!!

Dream dream dream

"When I want you, in my arms, all I have to do, is dream, dream dream dream, dream"

Have you ever had a dream that is just so real to you, it constantly comes back into your mind throughout the day? Like its a memory of something thats actually happened to you. When its something good, or even confusing, my heart aches at the yearning for this dream sequence.

I'm just sitting at my computer, compiling my list of to do for my shopping day ahead, catching up on peoples blogs, and every few moments my mind strays to this dream I had last night. I can't remember all of it, or even most of it, but the echoes of the emotion it played into me linger. I just thought it was odd, and wondered, Am I the only one that does this? Maybe I'm going crazy. Maybe not. But I sure enjoyed that dream...it was beautiful, and makes me want to go back to bed.

Heaven...and those left behind

A friend hung out in my room tonight, and played me the sadest song....i just wanted to share it with everyone. Its the remix of a song called Heaven, the words with stars are a little girl talking:

*It's been a year daddy
I really really miss you
Mommy says your safe now
In a beautiful place called heaven*

Oh I'm thinking about our younger years

*We had your favorite dinner tonite*

there was only you and me

*I ate it all up*

We were young and wild and free

*Even though I don't like carrots*

Now nothing can take you away from me

*I learned how to swim this summer*

We've been down that road before

*I can even open my eyes*

But that's over now

*While I'm under water*

You keep me coming back for more

*Can't you see me?*

Baby you're all that I want
When you're lying here in my arms
I'm finding it hard to believe
We're in heaven

*I started kindergarten this year*

Love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven

*I carry a picture of us
In my Blue's Clues lunchbox*

Oh once in your life you find someone

*You are the greatest daddy*

Who will turn your world around
Pick you up when you're feeling down
Now nothing can change what you mean to me

*I can swing on the swing by myself*

There's a lot that I could say
But just hold me now

*Even though I miss you pushing me*

Cause our love will light the way

*Can't you see me?*

Baby you're all that I want
When you're lying here in my arms
I'm finding it hard to believe
We're in heaven

*I miss how you used to tickle me*

And love is all that I need

*Tickle my belly*

And I found it there in your heart

*My belly hurts*

It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven

*I try not to cry*

I've been waiting for so long

*Mommy says it's okay*

For something to arrive
For love to come along

*I know you don't like it when I cry*

Now our dreams are coming true
Through the good times and the bad

*You never wanted me to be sad*

I'll be standing there by you

*I try Daddy but it hurts*

Baby you're all that I want

*Is it true you're not coming home?*

When you're lying here in my arms

*Maybe someday*

I'm finding it hard to believe
We're in heaven

*I can visit you in heaven, okay?*

And love is all that I need
And I've found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven

*It's time for me to go bed now
I sleep with the light on
Just in case you come home
And kiss me good night
I love you so much
I miss you Daddy*

~*In loving memory of all the victims of 911*~

Fire Girl

Little girl, Little girl,
You are such a bright light
Beauty flowing, grace escaping
From eyes so full of sight

Little girl, little redhead girl
I wish the sun would warm your heart
I pray you someday find that light
The one you're striving to do its part

Little girl, fiery haired girl,
You seek love where you can find it
Loving too much, giving it away
Till nothings left, nothing solid

My, My, My redhead girls
Parts of me, parts of you
My friends, my loves, my world
Yes, my world, my foundations,
I'd give it all, to get you through

Little girl, Little girl,
So young, full of life,
And hope, in that smile
Dancing in the rays of strife

Little girl, little redhead girl,
I wish you'd see all your worth
I pray he'll hold you softly
The one you're smiling at in mirth

Little girl, fiery haired girl,
You seek acceptance from us all
Searching for yourself in our eyes
Terrified, of it, of the fall

My, My, My redhead girls
Parts of me, parts of you
My friends, my loves, my world
Yes, my world, my foundations,
I'd give it all, to get you through

Little Girl, Little Girl,
You are overwhelming in charm
Laughter bouncing, smarts flashing,
Never a thought to any harm

Little Girl, little readhead girl,
I wish love would stick by you
I pray you have faith enough to do
To conquer our hearts, to subdue

Little Girl, fiery haired girl
Your need to share is piercing
Hunger to care, overwhelming
You'll die without his loving

My, My, My redhead girls
Parts of me, parts of you
My friends, my loves, my world
Yes, my world, my foundations,
I'd give it all, to get you through

Lose it

Feeling his breath on me,
A thousand feet apart
Sensing his heart beat,
so far away from mine

Imagining his hand in mine,
when we've never even touched
Hoping to hear his voice,
saying things that matter

We lose touch, we can't grasp
Reality hurts, when we come crashing down
We stumble and fall, lose control
When there's no hand there to catch us
We hit hard, we may break,
But it all comes down
to the smile on their face
when they say I love you, It'll be ok

Fixing my broken heart,
for yet another beating
Putting my make up on,
to not even be seen

Holding my head up high,
even if you can't respect it
Reaching my arms out wide,
to hold on to it all

We lose touch, we can't grasp
Reality hurts, when we come crashing down
We stumble and fall, lose control
When there's no hand there to catch us
We hit hard, we may break,
But it all comes down
to the smile on their face
when they say I love you, It'll be ok

Oh how complete am I
when I see me through your eyes
How full is my heart
waiting for your call
I'm likely to lose it all
But still I sit here
Cause I can feel your smile

We lose touch, we can't grasp
Reality hurts, when we come crashing down
We stumble and fall, lose control
When there's no hand there to catch us
We hit hard, we may break,
But it all comes down
to the smile on their face
when they say I love you, It'll be ok


I love that smile, It'll all be ok